Wednesday, January 17, 2007

Water Lily

This week's prompt at Poetry Thursday was really more of a game. The idea was to post one line from a work of your own, and then use a line (or lines) from someone else to create a new poem. I found this to be one of the most fun experiences I have had in writing. There were so many great lines from which to choose, and yet two spoke to me immediately and I knew they were destined to be joined. The two lines I used were:

gravity wraps me in greedy arms from DebR's poem Born to Fly and

resting in a clean white bowl from Megan's lovely haiku

I do have a question for you Poetry Thursday-ers... what would you do about citations for a poem such as this which clearly alludes to John Keats but only quotes three words?

Any other comments are welcome as well. I am so excited to read everyone's offerings this week.

Water Lily

I seek a pool of silence
in which to be
still and calm. But
gravity wraps me in greedy arms
of sound. The cacophony of daily
life accosts me:
the hungry cat's squall,
the sick child's cough,
the brake shoe's shriek.
The din scalds my throat,
more potent than Cuervo and
dryer than dust.

In my dream, I see
a room devoid of color. Pristine
walls glow with perfect luminescence.
In my dream, I am
a water lily.
Resting in a clean white bowl,
I slip beneath the surface.
Not a ripple do I make.
For one immaculate moment,
I cease


Liza Lee Miller said...

Wow! Very nice use of those two lines and I really enjoyed your poem. Tonight is one of those nights when ceasing to be (a mother, a daughter, a sister, a friend, a responsible adult) for a few hours would be bliss! So your poem spoke to me.

ecm said...

Sounds like a lovely place to be. I especially like the way you incorporated the white somehow really helps to capture this search for quiet.

Rethabile said...

Very good!

Deb R said...

I love what you did with this Sasha! It's really beautiful!

Crafty Green Poet said...

I love the image of being a water lily in a lcean white bowl. Very soothing.

twilightspider said...

Fantastic use of and twist on those lines. The blend so seemlessly. I also love the juxtaposition of the calming, silent wishes with the lines about the noise (those work so well that I can nearly hear them when reading).

And I think you're on to something with letting this round inspire even more poems - tell Dana and Liz Elayne that I second your idea!

twilightspider said...

Dang typos. I meant they blend so seemlessly.

Poet with a Day Job said...

This is a gorgeous poem. I love all your internal/off-rhymes, and the rhythm you created with the sounds of the words plus your breaks in line...and then, of course, the disappearing ending. Lovely.

Anonymous said...

Very moving, I love the way this ends, "slipping beneath the surface...I cease to be." I long for that quiet, especially after long days of constant chatter (teenage daughters :))

Anonymous said...

Oh, I forgot to mention that I used your line in my poem, Call Me Destructive. Thanks so much! Hope you like it.

Dana said...

This is beautiful. As far as citations for a poem that alludes to another ~ if it's subtle, I wouldn't use any citation. I would let the reader "get" the connection on his or her own.